Just when I think I'm out, they pull me back in.

It seems the dark side wants me back. No matter how hard I try to be good I'm pushed to the point where I'm ready an willing to let the evil out an revert to the days where the best solution was a bullet or a sharp knife in the the right person to make me feel better. I wan so much to just be happy an come home in a good mood. But there are those that are determined to test my metal. Trust me, it's sharp and swift and I'm almost ready to show them that I am more than willing and able to use it. At dinner tonight I was reminded why I try to control myself. Callie and my two girls were happy an smiling at me. That's all the reminder I needed. Tomorrow I will focus and keep looking for a way out that doesn't include bloodshed. But tonight I will hold my children and let them calm my soul once again. They are, after all my reason to be better than I am.